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Friday, May 05, 2006

Announcement...

I have been writing this post, in my heart, all week... it is time... I must post it. I am amazed at how difficult it is to write it. To "announce" it. Then, we have to follow through... First, the announcement... then the rest...

This is our last "official" Sunday at Open Door. For about a year, we knew that we were being "weaned" and "called" to live fully in the community we live in. About two weeks ago, we felt the sense that in a few weeks, we would be "done". The gas prices will finally help us sever the umbilical cord.

I am shocked by the depths of my feelings around this. Shocked? Let me explain. I have been a person who has "moved around" alot. I was born in Peoria, IL and then we moved to Tokyo, Japan. Then we moved back to Illinois, then I went to finish high school in Minnesota, then I went to college in Minnesota... Moorhead State... then finishing up at U of MN in the Twin Cities. So. I am used to making changes and leaving; but I leave and cut off my heart as I go.

Last night I was meditating on this and feeling it and I realized that I really want it to be noticed that we are not at Open Door anymore. But how will that happen? It is a huge church. There is no way to "announce"... "Hey... we are just people who have gone here for at least 13 years... and God is moving us out... hello?? Anyone???" I don't want to disappear without a trace again.

I have noticed that I have felt like a "ghost" all my life... through all these "movings". I have felt like I show up somewhere and everyone is more "solid", "real", "connected" than me. I feel shadowy and vague and like I really don't have a place. I may begin to get more "form" as I am there, but I feel like when I leave, I don't leave a "void", a "lack". I don't know if anyone noticed that we left Japan... Susie Camarata... do you remember playing with me? Jaime Vorvick? (I am trying to not get melodromatic... but this is fresh for me...)

So. I am living in the hurt. I am allowing my heart to hurt and grieve over leaving this place that has been such a blessing and that I allowed my heart to pour into. A place that was used immensely by God to show me that I had a heart! And I am allowing my heart to grieve over how I have handled the pain of these changes in my past. I have been wrong to not invest myself in each place and to keep my heart closed so I don't hurt each time we moved. I have imagined that the "communities" I have come into didn't let me be solid... but maybe I wasn't connecting myself... giving myself to make solid relationships...

I am not even sure if people read my blog anymore... it's been so long since I have been a reliable "poster". This was the only place where I felt I could gather a group of Open Door friends together to say... "good-bye".

I will still be here at "release the good". We may still be active in Open Door's Tuesday morning groups... but we are out and searching for our church home...

p.s. Jan, my heart is more empathetic to what you have probably been going through...

7 Comments:

At 8:03 AM, Blogger julie said...

i am still here. i check every day.

jaime, the community i know you in isn't a part of my sunday mornings. i feel blessed that when you go, you will still be a part of my world. as you journey out, i pray that where you land is a place you can love.

be amazed at the lives we touch. you may feel like you will not be missed, but people will notice. because you are you.

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger sleeping with bread said...

Jaime . . . I so get this . . . my husband and I attended Open Door for more than two decades . . . it felt like the longest goodbye in history . . . the decision was so hard to make . . . I still would love to have lunch with you . . . there is so much to say . . . but, not here . . . you have been such an encourager to this Grandma . . . you just don't know!!! Blessings dear blogging friend! You are in my prayers!

 
At 4:15 PM, Blogger Jan said...

Blessings on you my friend. I hope our paths cross again soon.

We still need to get that date on the calendar. : )

 
At 8:12 PM, Blogger Tonya said...

Oh, Oh, Oh!!!


I just read this NOW. I would've held onto you in that embrace even longer if I had known. I knew it was coming, but not last weekend.

I am so glad you got to serve communion with Craig on your last Sunday...what a sweet, sweet goodbye.

And I will miss our frequent hugs-without-words. No words needed. I understand.

Love and blessings to all of your family - "Take what you know and go" God will continue to bless your in your obedience.

COFFEE SOON!!!

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger Judith Hougen said...

Thanks for letting us know you're moving on from Open Door. Because we go to different services, I probably wouldn't have figured it out for a while. Nonetheless, you will be missed, dear Jaime. I pray for grace in the new places where God will surely lead. And to use a quote from Buechner, "Go where your best prayers take you."

 
At 1:36 PM, Blogger gloria said...

Oh my dear friend! I am so proud of you for listening and following well your heart and your God. I am already jealous of the community that is blessed with you and your sweet family. I too have fallen into infrequent blogging but your's is still one of my favorites - I always check up on you and enjoy reading.
I have been wanting for a while to meet with you and chat. I would still love to do that.
Blessings on you sweet lady.

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger Ba-chan said...

Jaime!!!!! I can't believe I've finally found you! I've been searching for you for years. I even emailed your brother a while back asking for him to put us in touch but never heard back! There are a whole bunch (15 and counting!) of ASIJ Class of '88'ers that have met up on Facebook and we've been searching for others. Suzi C is already on Facebook. Please please please get in contact with me alexhulbert@netspace.net.au ASAP - I can't wait to hear all your gossip from the past -what 29 odd years! So far, we've got Me, Sayoko Kamei, Monique Appeldoorn, Minako Abe, Suzi Camarata, Bill Rost, Lizzie Krimmer, Robby Minton, Chris Van Eyck, Anna Sasaki, Sherry Yu, John Whipple...I'm sure I've forgotten someone but I'm just so excited to have found you! Even Mrs Grijalva (Music teacher) has joined Facebook and she's given me an email address for Ms Allen too! We've all been sharing photos and memories from the old days and it's brought so much joy to all of us. PLEASE make contact with me soon!!
Lots of love,
Ba Hulbert

 

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