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Monday, July 25, 2005

Choking...

More clarification on my last blog... it's not so much how often, it is more like fear. I have things well up in my heart and then they all shove into the bottle neck of writing and I choke... and I find myself self-conscious of what everyone will think of "this" or "that". I worry about leaving comments and if the person will understand my heart...
and (I admit it!!!) I want to know what they think of my comments I leave (sometimes).
That kind of stuff.

I have also found it hard to stay present here at home. My thoughts are constantly wandering to whether or not I have comments, who has new blogs... I need to find the balance here.

I think there is a nagging fear that if I do not "keep up" then people will leave me behind.

I wanted to plop this all out here to break the shame and silence to try to be free to have FUN here again.

Thanks for your responses.

4 Comments:

At 8:03 PM, Blogger jjB said...

So someone says something nasty, so someone stops checking your blog, so someone shoves you into a little box by misinterpreting your heart. I won't do that. And I am guessing that the hearts of those with you on this journey won't knowingly do that. I love that you have voiced this fear. It is the fear we all have entering into relationships. Can we choose to stick with each other beyond the differences, beyond the conflict, beyond the misinterpretations and hurt? Though I don't know you outside of blogland, I value your heart and your voice. And don't worry, this isn't a race we are running, this is just a walk, with plenty of park benches to sit on and enjoy the view.

Regarding the new comments and who has blogged lately - there are some ways to manage that. Email me (ask Jan or Gloria or Frontier man for my email).

 
At 7:18 AM, Blogger sleeping with bread said...

. . . makes sense to me . . . we love a God who cares enough to respond . . .

. . . may you hear Him in EVERY place today . . . EVERY where you go . . .

. . . go Jaime . . . go and come back . . . so you can tell me . . .

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger gloria said...

Were you surprised by the "real" relationship feelings concerning blog world? I know that I was. I am constantly cycling back to feeling of fear (of rejection, vulnerability, honesty), excitement, joy, hope, support, love, hurt.
You are one of us. You are welcome here.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Jan said...

Relax. Enjoy. Let go...God is here. Like any good relationship, there is an ebb and flow to it. You will find your rhythm...

 

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