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Friday, August 12, 2005

Weary...

I am so tired, I've gotten to where I can't even speak. I am so relationally thin that it takes everything I have to not scream if anyone is near me. What I hate about being in this place is that I can not figure out what might help... I can not seem to find refreshment anywhere. I YEARN to fall into bigger arms than mine and rest in God's lap... but I can't seem to find Him anywhere. I keep trying, saying that even though I don't FEEL anything -- I know He's there and He's with me.

It's been so long since I have had a complete thought and the energy to make it happen.

My dear husband keeps trying to give me time off to refresh... I look at him blankly... I do not know what to do with myself... and I panic, thinking I've got to do SOMETHING, not waste the golden opportunity.

I am just so empty and tired.

7 Comments:

At 11:40 AM, Blogger H. Jane said...

I'll pray that you'll sense the arms carrying you...

 
At 12:24 PM, Blogger eija said...

Jaime

It's rough, it's tough. I know. What comes to my mind is related to the thing I always say to my kids when they are complaining about "there's nothing to do, mum":

"If there's nothing to do, then you don't need to do anything"

The same goes here, sort of. If you don't know what to do with yourself - then just don't do anything. And the golden opportunity might be just taking a nap in the garden or on the sofa - or on a friend's sofa! Or going into a cafe, just sitting there zipping cappuccino and watching the people run around.

Just rest. Tell God that you are too tired to even pray, and He understands. Just rest, don't think. He will be there for you.

Anyway, here is a song God gave me once. Since then it has comforted me a lot, and maybe some others too. Lorna has helped me to translate it into English.

Be blessed

-e-

 
At 5:02 PM, Blogger sleeping with bread said...

. . . refreshment and rest . . . it isn't hunters prey . . . I'm with Eija . . . don't do anything . . . we'll pray . . .

 
At 7:43 AM, Blogger julie said...

i've been there... it gets better. i'm praying.

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger Tonya said...

Can I join you on the proverbial couch? (The one in the Living room, not the therapists!)

 
At 1:35 PM, Blogger Jaime G said...

Thank you, each of you, for your caring. It felt like whining to write that blog; but my heart was dying in the silence of my desperation. Thank you. Your prayers are greatly appreciated.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger gloria said...

Sister.

I'm leaving for silent retreat on Friday. Want to come?

 

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